Dear brother in Christ,
I am glad to greet you in the Lord, and thank you for your letter. I understand how serious these questions are, and I will try to answer you with the same seriousness.
First of all, I must tell you this: judging by everything, there are no truly God-bearing elders in our day —like, for example, the Optina elders who once guided people by the grace of the Holy Spirit, and not by their own understanding or the interpretation of the Holy Fathers. This path of spiritual guidance is not given to our time—and, frankly, with our sins, weaknesses, and spiritual corruption, we do not deserve it .
Our time has been given a different, more modest path, described by Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov in his remarkable book, "An Offering to Modern Monasticism" (https://azbyka-ru.translate.goog/otechnik/Ignatij_Brjanchaninov/prinoshenie-sovremennomu-monashestvu/?_x_tr_sl=ru&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en-US&_x_tr_pto=wapp) : spiritual counsel . This means living according to God's commandments, learned from Scripture and the Holy Fathers, relying on the advice and help of those older and more experienced. Unlike unconditional obedience to an elder, we accept counsel with discernment and experience it ourselves.
I'm at a loss to say who exactly could help you with spiritual advice in English. But if you truly need it, the Lord will certainly provide it in His time, so don't be too persistent in seeking an "advisor."
And since you have written to me, I will risk offering you a few words of a general nature, based on your letter, on the experience of our small monastic brotherhood and on our understanding of the Holy Fathers.
1. First of all, learn to accept the situation you find yourself in and make the most of it. If it doesn't bear spiritual fruit, don't despair; on the contrary, redouble your efforts: what can you specifically do for your spiritual life in this situation? Regular church services and Holy Communion are of the utmost importance. Next, establish morning and evening prayers with the whole family and shared reading aloud—all within your capabilities and abilities under the given circumstances.
2. From literature, I can recommend to you those books that are specifically intended for those living in the world, and those that set forth the foundations of spiritual life, such as, for example, "My Life in Christ" by the Righteous John of Kronstadt (https://azbyka-ru.translate.goog/otechnik/Ioann_Kronshtadtskij/moja_gizn_vo_hriste/?_x_tr_sl=ru&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en-US&_x_tr_pto=wapp) , "Invisible Warfare" by St. Nicodemus the Hagiorite (https://azbyka-ru.translate.goog/otechnik/Nikodim_Svjatogorets/nevidimaja-bran/?_x_tr_sl=ru&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en-US&_x_tr_pto=wapp) , Lives of the Saints , and the above-mentioned "Offering to Modern Monasticism" : this book, in the part that constitutes the "spiritual ABC," is also addressed to laypeople.
3. A diary (a regular notebook will do) is of great benefit to spiritual growth and a sober outlook on life. It's a good place to record excerpts from books you've read that, for one reason or another, caught your attention, as well as your own notes, including any shortcomings that need to be addressed. The importance of this is clearly demonstrated by St. John of Kronstadt's " My Life in Christ . "
4. Do not criticize or judge others; view people as angels, excuse their mistakes and weaknesses, and condemn yourself as the worst sinner. Of all that is necessary in spiritual life, this is the first.
I hope this helps you in some way. If you have any specific questions, especially about the teachings of the Holy Fathers, I'll be happy to answer them: we have almost all the patristic literature in Russian.
I ask for your prayers,
with love in Christ, - monk Seraphim
(Living Orthodoxy, Jan.-Feb., 1984)